Widening Circles~

I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. 

Rainer Maria Rilke

December 4, 1875: Poet Rainer Maria Rilke may be best known for his Letters to a Young Poet, published after his death. When Rilke himself was a young writer living in Paris, he worked briefly as a secretary for the sculptor Auguste Rodin. Rilke was born 138 years ago today.

Buttons~

You can't push my buttons I know were they're at...  I keep them all safely tucked under my hat...  So, I'll share with a friend the feelings inside... and if I keep sharing I'll have no buttons to hide!

from my friend and mentor, Karen

i love you friend~

Mom & Dad

I have lived with you close by forever
No more
I have been able to touch you at will
No more
I have been able to talk, whenever
No more

The city seems huge without you
I've lost my way
Tall buildings and winding roads
Streets we used to live on
Places we used to go~

It's empty here now
Without you
No more

I have lived with you close by forever
No more~

Good~bye for now JUDY

In Memory of Judy Retterath May 17, 1946 - November 2, 2013 Obituary Retterath, Judy Kay (Hackenmiller) Age 67, of Plymouth, died on November 2, 2013. She was preceded in death by her dad, Jerome; sister, Linda; and grandma, Ann Mahlmann. Judy is survived by her mom, Dolly; children, Paul (Renee), Heidi and Charles (Jenny); and their dad, Thomas; 7 grandchildren, Ashley, Cameron, Parker, Peyton, Braeden, Mackenzie & Carter; 6 siblings, Larry (Maggie), Tim (Denise), Sue, Kent (Janis), Kevin (Lori) and Amy (Steve); many loving relatives & friends. Visitation 3-7 PM, Wednesday and 1 hour prior to the service. Memorial Service 2 PM, THURSDAY, all will be held at Kapala- Glodek-Malone Funeral Home, 7800 Bass Lake Rd., New Hope. In lieu of flowers, memorials are preferred.

and my Guest Book entry~

No doubt God has lifted you up on angel's wings Judy.  You are one very special, classy, and kind lady.  I so enjoyed BINGO and your hats : ).  Always one to take time for others~never in a hurry.  It was my pleasure to know you.  May God bless your family and give them strength to move through such a difficult time~

My Great Grandfather and his Author~ John J Koblas

John “Jack” Koblas, 70

John J. “Jack” Koblas, age 70, of Minneapolis, died March 8, 2013. Jack suffered for some years from Parkinson’s disease and his death followed a recent stroke and heart attack.

He was a native of Minnesota and spent most of his life in that state. He is survived by children, Stacy, Stephanie, John and Sarah; six grandchildren; one great-grandchild; and close friend, Janet Goodman.

Jack was one of the most dynamic and prolific writers of our time. He was a noted authority on the James-Younger Gang and the Northfield, Minnesota Bank Robbery and he wrote eight books on those subjects. Jack was very well versed in Minnesota, Civil War and Indian War history. He wrote six books on the lives of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Sinclair Lewis. His credits for Civil War and Indian War history include, J. J. Dickison: Swamp Fox of the Confederacy and a trilogy about the Sioux Uprising during the Civil War, Let Them Eat Grass. Titles of those volumes are “Smoke, Fire, and Ashes.”

Jack was the author of 70 books, several screen plays and more than 500 short stories, articles and a vast amount of poetry. He was well known for his tireless research, and often said history is full of myths and only by doing in-depth research can you get to the heart of the matter. His philosophy about research on historical topics was to throw out everything you have been taught and look for yourself.

In addition to his writing skills, Jack was also an accomplished musician and lecturer. He trained for years as a concert pianist before converting to rock and roll. He played in a band in high school and later preformed with a professional band, “The Magpies.” This band was inducted into the Minnesota Music Hall of Fame in 2007.

Jack was a highly-respected and well-liked author and historian. His contributions will be appreciated by the historical and literary community for many years to come.

A memorial service will be held at 3 p.m. Saturday, March 16, 2013, in the Washburn-McReavy Hillside Chapel in Minneapolis.

My Great Grandfather

H.V. Jones: A Newspaper Man's Imprint on Minneapolis History

• by
 
• John J. Koblas

 Astonishing Rags-to-Riches dynastic tale

This entertaining and well-illustrated book tells the fascinating but true tale of Herschel Jones, a poor boy from an obscure backwood village in upstate New York who, at a very early age, and with little education, starting building a publishing empire. What's especially interesting is that while he was the teenage proprietor of a small Easter paper, he evaluated his choices for where would be the most promising place to continue empire-building and settled on Minneapolis. Within a few years, he had made a name for himself in his new hometown, befriended the right people and raised financing to buy the JOURNAL, the State's most influential paper. From his publisher's chair he leveraged increasingly large though altruistic political and economic power--ultimately befriending a young politician named Theodore Roosevelt to whom he became a close advisor. At the same time, this uneducated self-made man built up one of the greatest rare book libraries and art collections in this country--with an unerring eye and with hand firmly on wallet. I very much enjoyed this tale of a man who, until now, was only known for the extraordinary art, book and manuscript collections he bequeathed various notable institutions. His is an unexpectedly epic tale that coincides with the assimilation of the Midwest in American power, economics and culture at the turn of the last century.

To have know this dynamic man would have been a dream.  So alike in so many ways, as writer's, collector's, and philanthropists~  What a blessing to have my great grandfather's life in the palm my hand~

And in honor of the author John Koblas~
Koblas, John J. "Jack" age 70, of Mpls, passed away on Friday, March 8, 2013. Survived by children, Stacy, Stephanie, John, and Sarah; six grandchildren; one great- grandchild; and friend, Janet. Private interment Hillside Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorials preferred. Memorial service Saturday, March 16, 3 PM with visitation 1 hour before at: www.Washburn-McReavy.com Hillside Chapel 612-781-1999 2610 19th Ave. N.E., Mpls - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/startribune/obituary.aspx?pid=163577224#sthash.XhSp6e8A.dpuf

Grand Baby Prayer

Heavenly Father, 

We give you praise for you are the Creator of this new little life.

We lift this tiny one up to you for protection. We ask for a heavenly covering over this baby so that no harm can come to him or her. We ask that you would supernaturally make right anything that needs healing in this little body before the delivery. We also ask for an easy and safe delivery.

We give you praise for this pregnancy and rejoice in your steadfast love.

Amen

Copyright © 2012 Beth McLendon of Inspirational-Prayers.com

i thank you this day and each~

Quotes~

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself. 

Lois McMaster Bujold

November 2, 1949: Happy 64th birthday, Lois McMaster Bujold! The science fiction writer has won the Hugo Award four times and is the creator of the Vorkosigan Saga, a series inspired by the Horatio Hornblower books.

Quotes~

I read so I can live more than one life in more than one place. 

Anne Tyler

October 25, 1941: Happy 72nd birthday, Anne Tyler! The Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist grew up in a Quaker community. She is often cited by fellow novelists as a favorite, with admirers as different as Eudora Welty and Nick Hornby.

Jesus loves~

Jesue loves the little children~

God's love~

Our EARTH~

One needs no strange spiritual faith to worship the earth. 

John Cowper Powys

October 8, 1872: British writer John Cowper Powys continued to produce work into his nineties, but he steadfastly rejected modernity—no typewriters for him! He also disliked television, telephones and cars. The author of A Glastonbury Romance was born in Derbyshire, 141 years ago today.

I'm PUBLISHED~ sort of : )

CYNTHIA JOHNSON AT 3 AM ON OCTOBER 08, 2013 

I collect milk glass and adore your salad plates! I would have been jumping UP & DOWN to have found them myself. You will find many uses for them. One suggestion~ weave a ribbon, twine, etc through the holes and tie a bow~perhaps with a sprig of your bittersweet! I love what you do! Thank you~

MICHAEL WURM, JR. AT 1 PM ON OCTOBER 08, 2013 

Thanks for the idea Cynthia. I’ve seen that done on cake stands. Would be a great idea for the holidays!

xo Michael

Save a life~

Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire. 

Thomas Keneally

October 7, 1935: Happy 78th birthday, Thomas Keneally! The Australian novelist walked into a leather goods store owned by Holocaust surviver Poldek Pfefferberg, who told him about being rescued by Oskar Schindler; the encounter inspired a book which became Oscar-winning film Schindler's List.

Isn't that just a beautiful thought~ and in the work I do..one just doesn't seem to be enough.  I'll work until my life is over, shairng what I know, how I know it, and acceting the outcome regardless of the attempt.  We are each so very different~   

Thoughts on me and my BOOKS again!!  Pure JOY~

A well-composed book is a magic carpet on which we are wafted to a world that we cannot enter in any other way. 

Caroline Gordon

October 6, 1895: Although Caroline Gordon's novels are no longer widely read, in her day she was a prominent literary figure who was friends with writers like Flannery O'Connor, Ernest Hemingway, and F. Scott Fitzgerald. She was born 118 years ago today.

My Daddy~

Hi Dad,
  The hummers left one week ago today and the ducks are flying by in the V formation~ all speical things that remind me of your "favorite" time of the year~  I 'm grateful for our hummers that keep us company all throught the summer, each time wondering if it were you just checking in, staying close.
  You left us 8 months ago today and it feels like years.  I wonder what that means?  My feet have not touched ground firmly~ my life has changed.  In gratitude, you are with Mom and Boo, this I know~
  I miss you Dad, I miss all of you, and still know that I am the luckiest girl on the face of the earth having had you as my Daddy, and Mom, and my baby sister Booley.  What's it like there?  Happy and light I bet : )  Take care until.... xo, Pooh

Books make me VERY happy!

Many people, myself among them, feel better at the mere sight of a book. 

Jane Smiley

September 26, 1949: Happy 64th birthday, Jane Smiley! The novelist's goal was to write a book in each of the four major narrative forms—a tragedy (A Thousand Acres), an epic (The Greenlanders), a comedy (Moo), and a romance (The All-True Travels and Adventures of Lidie Newton).

Happy Birthday Hayden!

Happy 3rd Birthday to the Sweetest Baby on the Block.  I have loved watching you grow into the creative, articluate little guy you are today.  Always remember, Gram loves you!

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. 

Leo Tolstoy

September 9, 1828: In his youth Russian author Leo Tolstoy was a poor student and an avid gambler, but in later years he became a devout pacifist and anarchist. His books, including War and Peace and Anna Karenina, are considered some of the greatest novels ever written. He was born 185 years ago today.

So very true~

Oh yes, Marigold Days

Oh yes, Marigold Days...we took the kids, with friends, theirs and ours, several years running when they were 10ish or so and time took care of the past, oh maybe, the 15 years.  So yes, it is novel...pie in the Senior Center, a parade, bingo under a tent, flea market and antiques, fire departments from across the counties having water contests, antique cars, marigold judging and the like... It felt wonderful going back to a gentler time.  Fun was had by all, idyllic and yes, novel.  It's nice that some things do go on forever~ 

Are you recovering?

sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly~if you work for it, it will materialize!

The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer~ Standy by for my Review!

It has really been a pleasure to work with the people at Harpo Productions. Positive energy is so important in this world, and it radiates from Oprah and everyone around her. When we were taping for the upcoming interview, I got to spend a fair amount of time talking to many of the production staff. 

I was pleased to see that they had read The Untethered Soul and gotten a lot from the book. Our discussions always seemed to come down to "Are there some concise tips for everyday life that would accelerate spiritual growth and awakening?" To augment my discussions with Oprah during the "Super Soul Sunday" interview, I thought I'd share my 12-Step Guide to Spiritual Awakening.

- Michael Singer

1. Realize that you are in there. 
You must first come to realize that you are in there. From deep inside, you are experiencing this world. You are experiencing your physical body, your thoughts and your emotions. You are conscious and you are experiencing what it is like to be human.

2. Realize that you are not okay in there.
Look to see what's going on inside. If you want to understand why you've done everything you have ever done, if you want to see what's really going on, just observe your mind and emotions—just experi­ence your inner state. If you objectively look, you will see that you are never completely at peace. You will see that you are not okay in there.

3. Realize that you're always trying to be okay. At any point when you look at the state of your inner being, you will see that something is bothering you. You will then notice that this causes urges, drives and impulses to do something about it. You will find yourself constantly trying to either get something or avoid something. All of this is done in an attempt to be okay.

4. Realize that your mind has taken on the job of figuring out how everything needs to be for you to be okay. If you watch, you will see that your mind is always telling you what you should and should not do, what others should and should not do, and how things should and should not be. All of this is the mind's attempt to first create a conceptual model of what would make you okay, and then try to get the outside world to match it.

5. Realize that the process of defining how the outside needs to be is not going to make you okay. You must seriously look at this process of trying to be okay. You've been at it your entire life—you've just tried different things at different times. While it's true that sometimes you manage to make it better for short periods of time, you know that you've never even come close to reaching a state of permanent peace. Watch very closely how you react to the things your mind has preferences about. You will see that if your mind gets what it wants, you feel joy; if it doesn't get what it wants, you feel disturbance. Likewise, when your mind experiences what it doesn't want, you feel disturbance, and when it avoids what it doesn't want, you feel relief. You will never be okay playing this game because the world will never match the conceptual model your mind has made up. Eventually, you will come to see that struggling to be okay does not work. At some point, you will try to find a different way to be okay in there.

6. Learn to not participate in the mind's struggle to be okay. This step is about learning to sit in the witness, the part of you that notices the inner urges to be okay. You must become comfortable with sitting in there and not participating in the inner energies. You learn to relax in the midst of them. You come to see that there is a habitual process in which the moment you feel inner disturbance, you are drawn into doing something about it. You must learn to sit inside and not participate in this process. If you truly understand that going outside to try to be okay inside doesn't work, then you'll be willing to sit inside and simply allow the disturbance to pass through. It is not difficult. If you can do this, all disturbance will cease by itself.

7. Learn to go about your life just like everyone else, except that nothing you do is for the pur­pose of trying to be okay. If you aren't so preoccupied with trying to be okay, you will be free to sit inside and quietly love, serve and honor whatever naturally unfolds in front of you. When you reach this point, you are no longer living for yourself. You are interacting with life, but not for the purpose of being okay.

8. As you sincerely let go of the inner energies you are watching, you begin to feel a deeper energy come in from behind. Up to this point, everything you were watching inside was in front of you. But now that you are no longer being drawn into those personal energies, you'll realize that your inner universe is actually very expansive. You will begin to feel Spirit flow in from behind. It lifts you and brings you great love and joy.

5. Realize that the process of defining how the outside needs to be is not going to make you okay. You must seriously look at this process of trying to be okay. You've been at it your entire life—you've just tried different things at different times. While it's true that sometimes you manage to make it better for short periods of time, you know that you've never even come close to reaching a state of permanent peace. Watch very closely how you react to the things your mind has preferences about. You will see that if your mind gets what it wants, you feel joy; if it doesn't get what it wants, you feel disturbance. Likewise, when your mind experiences what it doesn't want, you feel disturbance, and when it avoids what it doesn't want, you feel relief. You will never be okay playing this game because the world will never match the conceptual model your mind has made up. Eventually, you will come to see that struggling to be okay does not work. At some point, you will try to find a different way to be okay in there.

6. Learn to not participate in the mind's struggle to be okay. This step is about learning to sit in the witness, the part of you that notices the inner urges to be okay. You must become comfortable with sitting in there and not participating in the inner energies. You learn to relax in the midst of them. You come to see that there is a habitual process in which the moment you feel inner disturbance, you are drawn into doing something about it. You must learn to sit inside and not participate in this process. If you truly understand that going outside to try to be okay inside doesn't work, then you'll be willing to sit inside and simply allow the disturbance to pass through. It is not difficult. If you can do this, all disturbance will cease by itself.

7. Learn to go about your life just like everyone else, except that nothing you do is for the pur­pose of trying to be okay. If you aren't so preoccupied with trying to be okay, you will be free to sit inside and quietly love, serve and honor whatever naturally unfolds in front of you. When you reach this point, you are no longer living for yourself. You are interacting with life, but not for the purpose of being okay.

8. As you sincerely let go of the inner energies you are watching, you begin to feel a deeper energy come in from behind. Up to this point, everything you were watching inside was in front of you. But now that you are no longer being drawn into those personal energies, you'll realize that your inner universe is actually very expansive. You will begin to feel Spirit flow in from behind. It lifts you and brings you great love and joy.

9. Your inner experience becomes so beautiful that you fall in love with the energy itself, and you develop a very deep and personal relationship with it. It will become completely clear to you that there is an absolute trade-off between your personal ener­gies and the amount of Spirit that you feel. The more you get drawn into your personal energies, the less Spirit you feel. The more you don't participate in your personal energies, the more Spirit you feel. You now have a direct relationship with the spiritual energy, and you will find yourself constantly longing to experience it.

10. You begin to feel the energy pulling you up into it, and your entire path becomes letting go of yourself in order to merge. Will is no longer needed. Now your path is strictly about releasing yourself into the pull of the higher energy. You must surrender deeply enough to be able to overcome the fear of losing your connection to the personal self. You must to be willing to die to be reborn.

11. Once you get far enough back into the energy, you realize that your personal life can go on without you, leaving you free to become immersed in Spirit. This is the greatest miracle: You've surrendered and your entire life is about Spirit, yet people, places and things continue to interact with you. The difference is that these interactions require none of your energy. They happen naturally, by themselves, leaving you at peace and absorbed in Spirit.

12. Now you are truly okay, and nothing inside or outside of you can cause disturbance—you have come to peace with it all. Because you are now completely okay, you don't need anything. Things just are what they are. At this point, you know yourself as Self. The world, mind and heart cannot disturb you. You've transcended them all. What is more, instead of feeling drawn into Spirit, you now actually experience yourself as Spirit. You have no boundaries in time or space. You have always existed, and you will always exist. You have no form, shape, gender or body. You simply are, have always been and will always be—Infinite Spirit.

Copyright © 2012 by Michael A. Singer. All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced without written permission. Based on The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael A. Singer, Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, 2007.

Published on August 01, 2012

You are a child of God!

"You are a child of God.  Nothing you do,
or think, or wish, or make, is necessary
to establish your worth."

Marianne Williamson

                                    

My photo taken at Betty Ford Alpine Gardens, Vail, CO

Little Gavin's Birthday Party!

Hey Superman!  You a such a special little 3 year old.
Thank you to your mom for letting you love us like you do.
xo, Grammie

Thanks be to God~

when troubled times come...they just do.
thank you God for letting me know you are right beside me...
i am thankful for small things and for great big things~ Gavin is 3 today and tomorrow we party :) peace~

Thanks to God who gives me what I need~

What a difficult day~ I've written about it many times and challenge myself to make it right.  Work at Detxo tore me apart, yet I stayed and she went home.

Thank you God for grace, and please send me the word~

A Million moments of thanks~

for hard work and stamina~
i was so busy at my office today!
thank you~

Grateful moments~

I have such gratitufe for the women in my life~
thank you girls, xo

A Million Days of Gratitude and thoughts on Dad~

I am quite sure by now that God is playing with me~  For quite some time I have gotten days, and dates, and times all mixed up.  This evening, I suddenly knew that today was a very special day and that there needed to be a time for me to be alone to recall and remember.  My precious Daddy died 6 months ago today~ the tears came, the disbelief that it seems like yesterday he strolled into my house for a chat, dinner, to drop off some flowers, or to hide something in the grill :), to hear him to tell me how much he loved me, to leave me with wet kisses.  It feels like I should able to close my eyes and when I open them, hear Dad and Scottie talking in the porch while I get Dad some ice tea.  If only.... if only for one moment I could reach out and touch him, see him, smile at him, chat.  I am grateful today to have had the Dad I had.  There is no one like him, there never could be.  I love you Daddy, thank you~ Pooh

And while God is busy protecting me until I'm ready, a bit later it came to me that my Mom and Dad died within 4-1/2 years of each other, and that in my grief I feel such joy that they are together, for they were never meant to be apart, happy, healthy, and no doubt watching the hummers flit and fly around the heavens, just as I am doing here :)  I am grateful that God meets me where I'm at and protects me until he knows I'm ready~ thank you!

Days of Gratitude~

I love Sundays at home~  There's something about them that feels slow, and quiet, and safe.  I belong to myself for a few short hours and cherish reading, resting, and talking with my sweetie.  I am grateful for today and the peace I feel~

Days of Gratitute~

I have a funny little story about a co-worker that had treated me quite poorly since I began working with her nearly 4 years ago~  She referred to me as "that new counselor" and "her" and "she"...I often reminded her what my name was but that didn't really help.  I treated her as I treat others even though I often felt hurt and sad.  Our work is tough enough and I didn't understand her but then sometimes I'm just not suppose to understand....  She began to date a man several months ago (her husband had died nearly two years ago) and things didn't go well.  I offered up some words of comfort occasionally and in time she began talking to me about her difficulties...   This morning I mentioned that I was struggling with the loss of my parents, and at the same time, my siblings, for we had not weathered our parents end of life happenings and I am estranged from them that at this time~  She said, "ok", folded her hands, closed her eyes, and said this~
"May God's goodness and light surround you.
  May God's goodness and light fill you.
  May God's goodness and light protect you.
  May God's goodness and light heal you, Cynthia."
She went on to speack about me, my parents, and my brothers and sister as we sat with our eyes closed,   right there in the nurses office (she is a nurse) where we had just finished morning report.  I suppose other staff wandered about us, I do not know.  I just soaked in this unexpected love.  I am grateful for unexpected love today~

I Miss You Mom ~ 5 Years Ago Today

OH Gosh~ Hi Momma.  You've been gone 5 years today.  It feels like a million days, and more.  Kates sent me a sweet text and called.  She misses you~ probabaly as much as I do.  What a beautiful legacy you left my baby girl.  She is so much like you.  Pretty little packages, tender little notes, a posey here, and a sweet pillow there... Not a day passes without seeing or touching something that reminds me of you~  My heart aches mightily some days just trying to beliee I won't see you again, ever, at least here.  Wood said, Ohhhhhhhhh Mere.  He misses you too, mightily.  You were his Mom~  I wish you had told me how hard this would be...  you told me almost everything else, but not this...  I keep waiting to get use to it, keep waiting for my perspective to change, to exalt fully in the life you had, the life we shared, and accept fully your presence in my heart and memories.  Some days I feel it, some days I think I'll get it, that the change will happen~but most days I just don't, maybe I can't, or won't.  Maybe, just maybe, I'm not suppose to.  Maybe it's suppose to be this way, just the way it is.  I think that's it.  I am to accept just where I am today, not questioning, not trying to push or expect, just to be, exactly where I am.  I love you Momma, I miss you more~  Thank you for helping me understand~thank you for listening.

Your Eldest Daughter :)
Pooh

A Million Days of Gratitude~

For so long I had done a daily gratitude note~ so where did it go...life interrupted I guess.  Not that I don't feel and express gratitude with nearly every breath I take, because I do, but I am coming to understand something greater, a loss of the me I knew, the me with a Mom, and the me with a Dad.  My parents~ my Mom and Dad.  I keep saying that I feel the layer above me is gone~ the love, support and the daily care, and so much more, the knowing.  That layer or blanket is gone...forever from my sight and my touch, but forever locked within my heart~  As I move through this time of my life I know I will find how I fit in to all of this...won't I?  I feel uncertain some days....

I am deeply grateful for the gift of love.  The love I always felt and never questioned from my parents.  The love they freely gave to each other, and to me.

Thoughts and Whatnots~

The girl walking through the airport in a princess dress has it right on.

With every step through the terminal, people smiled. On each flight, someone stopped to comment. With each moment, the young princess simply smiled and kept walking. As a silent observer (and bodyguard), I loved watching the reactions of the people as she walked by. Every one reacted in some way. As the little princess made her way, completely comfortable in her own skin, decked out for the ball, I enjoyed every moment of it. Sure, that little princess was my daughter. But it dawned on me, she was right on.

Too many of us do not understand who we are. We carry around the baggage of a life full of sadness and brokenness. Because of all the experiences, hurts and pains, we stopped seeking to understand who we are and who we are not. Along life's way, we simply accepted an identity for ourselves. We decided to see ourselves based on the broken projections of other people who do not understand who they are. And the cycle of a fallen humanity continues.

Then there is Yahweh. God tells us exactly who we are. We begin to understand who we have pretended to be and how that is warped. We understand who God created us and forgave us in Christ to be. We may not believe it. It is true nevertheless. We become part of the new creation. The redeemed people of God. We see ourselves and everyone else differently. The Spirit has given us vision.

Do you see why the young girl in the princess dress walking through the airport has it right on? Sure, she is not Cinderella or Snow White. She is not living a fairy tale. But she is a daughter of the King of kings and the Lord of lords. It doesn't matter if there is no Prince Charming (and I am sure glad for his sake or that there is no castle. She is not self-conscious or afraid. She just is... herself ... walking through the airport... in a princess dress.  Be still and know that I am God. - Psalm 46:10

This reminded my little brother of his sweet daughter Jaimie, as she and her new husband move to CA to begin their new lives.  It reminds me of many of us~  xo

Thoughts and What Nots!

"I have no desire, use for or conscious memory of that life (of addiction). And yet I don't shut the door on it, and I don't pretend it didn't happen. More than anything I have this sense that I’m a veteran of a war that is difficult to discuss with people who haven’t been there." Robert D.

Thoughts and Whatnots on Yesterday

"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses

who are only waiting to see us act, just once with beauty and courage.

Perhaps everything that frightens us is, 

in it's deepest essense something helpless that wants our love."

~Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet

Papa Rendevouz

I feel intensely sad after getting together with family today to open cards and look at the "Guest Book" from Dad's service.  I thought it would be a time of sharing and remembering.  I brought family pictures for each person and those did bring some memories and laughter~ mostly comments about how he looked or she looked or....  What was missing was love, tenderness about our loss.  The sadness comes I am quite sure from wanting to feel loved and warmed by the gathering.  It didn't happen today, maybe it will someday maybe each of us has our own pain, and then again, maybe it just never will~  I keep wondering when things changed, how much of it comes from me, wanting to have needs met by those that cannot meet them, even in the smallest of ways.  I never walk alone, I must remember this~  I should think about taking a walk, breathing deeply, remembering, and then hug myself.  peace~

Post 4 ~ My Daddy

I often think of how excited I got when I was coming to see you~ kinda like butterflies, and I always smiled on my way.  I remember feeling that way as a young girl when we took a drive to the campground "just to see what was going on".  It was always those special few moments that I got to share alone with you.  And today... I haven't see your face for 4 weeks.  It's getting harder Dad, not easier.  I think it will take awhile to really feel the depth of my loss.  I try to remember that although you are "gone from my sight," you will never be gone from my heart.  All the memories of you, are mine.  I miss you Daddy~  It feels selfish to want you here, when you are there~  happy, joyous and free.  Yours, Pooh

Borgy's Wedding Day

a note from a friend to Borgy~ so beautiful!

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there is no more loneliness.

Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.

May your days together be good and long upon the earth.

Post 3 ~ My Daddy

You left us 3 weeks ago now and gosh~ the void. I miss your voice, hugs, and wet kisses :)) I miss everything about you Dad. I also know you are free~ and for that I am glad. How are the oysters up beyond the stars? ps The Minneapolis Star Tribune did a wonderful article about you yesterday. What a tribute to you. You are a very, very special guy :) xo

Post 2 ~ My Dad

hi daddy, i think of you all day long. i just can't help myself. i think of the last time i saw you. wearing your yellow and blue striped polo turtle neck, sitting in your wheelchair in the diningroom. i rubbed your back, touched your hand. you were so quiet, very sweet. i wish i had a sense about the quiet. i would have said more~ you were so kind and told me i looked so pretty, that you loved me. you then said it's dark and i should be on my way home. you didn't ask me to call when i got home safely like you usually did. you did say, "i love you pooh." you asked me to let you sit there and not take you back to your room. i think you liked being around others. we kissed and hugged and i told you i loved you too. i turned around just once. walking away was always so hard for me. i miss you so much dad. you loved me and i always knew it. it hurts, i ache, i don't know what to do~ thank you dad for being my dad. sweet dreams wherever you are tonight. i love you, pooh

Post 1 ~ My Dad

And tonight you left us~ Peacefully, comfortably, and without fear. So gently~ My heart is breaking apart. I will miss your physical presence, your smell, your kisses, your smiles. I love you Dad. I love you so much, Your Pooh