Tuesday, May 22, 2012

God of my Understanding

April 17th when I last wrote, seems like an eternity ago~ can it be that so much time has passed so quickly? I have a new grand child, am busily back at work, seeing my "girls" each week, spending precious time with my sweetie, family and friends, cheerfully making my way in the world, most of the time. I am also working as hard as I can to find meaning in the last transition of my dad's life. Oh, how I love him, and how fondly I recall the days gone by~ I struggle mightily to make any lasting memories with him right now. He is mad, angry, mean...and I know underneath it all, he is afraid. And, so am I. I'm afraid we won't have any more of those tender moments, times to laugh, talk, and be comfortable with each other. Is this how it ends, just having to recall past moments and trying to live through the last days in one piece? I am not bearing up under the pressure of how to care for and love this man I adore, my daddy~ my prince in shining armour, my protector. I woke this morning with an insight that this may be all there is, how it may end. Myself feeling sad, and Dad acting mad, defensive, and dishonest, which is protective, but it still hurts, a lot. I give it to you~ freely handing it over..and I will do that over and over again. I pray that I can let my love shine through, no matter, let it shine~ Thank you God for the many blessing in my life~ xo