Friday, January 28, 2011


it's just about impossible to know
could it be real in her mind or just a wild imagination,
hurtfully intentional or
just an outrageously, outrageous imagination
how could she and why
danger lurks around every bend
if not her,
its someone, after someone else,
or me
an endless turn of cruel actions and cruel events
he's right, leave, get out, it does not change
of cruelties i do not know, am unfamiliar

be my guide, show me when~

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Let me never forget the beauty of pure white snow. As I drove through the countryside today I was moved by the beauty of white on white glistening all around me, near silence. The beauty was intense, like the feeling of warm soft sand~ Cool, bright, white, pure.
I was moved to always remember ~

the unsearchable riches of christ's snowflake

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Happy Birthday Riz~

I remember perfectly this day twenty five years ago when our perfect little boy came into our lives. We had anticipated this day for 9 months, well actually for over 4 years to be exact. Each day brought new signs of life, an active little "someone" kept knocking to come out. Our son, our little Ryan was born! Today you are 25. We shared a million happy moments, thousands of happy days, and..... some very tough times. We have lost you, it's been a very long time. We have let you down. How could we have done such a thing? Can we ever...

I dream about your face, your voice, I smell you at times, and I think I see you sometimes, when of course, you aren't even around. I miss you. We all do. I wonder, will we ever? I've been praying for a long time. A friend of mine told me that "God doesn't wear a watch." Perhaps not here, perhaps somewhere else..who knows.

Happy 25th Birthday Ry~ May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine softly upon your face ~ may life treat you well, very well. We love you as much now as the day you were born, maybe more. Dad & Katie, and me. We just do.

I love you Ry ~~ I love you more, Mom

p.s. Papa just called, he misses you too. He promised "something good will happen." I'll trust my Dad. We had lunch is your honor today. It wasn't much fun without you~nothing is