Monday, October 31, 2011

God who makes special days~

A very Happy Halloween to all~ What a day it has been. Skyping with our tiniest pumpkin Hayden and his Mommy & Daddy at the start of the day and at the end. Horseback riding for the first time in 40 years, with one exception of taking 10 steps on a horse in Wyoming when the kids were very small. A beautiful sun shiny day~ confidence, freedom, and joy! My teachers, Judy & Art have a beautiful farm and put Susie and I at ease and hooray, it was pure bliss. I had not one pinch of nerves. My horses name was Magic, and he was~ The smile never left my face. Dinner and Scottie's amazingly creative pumpkin, as well as little trick or treaters brought this day to a perfect end.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

God of my understanding~

A restful, lazy Sunday. A day to stop and refresh~ Merci

Saturday, October 29, 2011

God who cares for others

It's Saturday and I worked today~ Weekends should be pretty quiet and it was anything but for me~ Problems are becoming larger, impacting many area's of our client's lives and there are not enough resources. Winter is coming and there is not enough housing. Mental health problems combined with chemical problems need immediate attention and there are not enough providers. Being creative is essential. I had 10 client's in my office today and all but one cried~ cried out in pain and loss and anger. That's not unusual, they call my office "the crying room". I get it. I relate in a way that is true. I've lived it and know the pain addiction causes. How it impacts every single area of one's life until it is not intervene upon. My goal is to impart hope, to motivate change. Some days feel worse than others. Today I drove home tired but satisfied that I had done the best I could. Please let it be enough..enough for a start~ Merci God for caring for others~

Peaceful home, filled with love~ I could not ask for more~ Merci

Friday, October 28, 2011

God who knows me~

It's been a busy week. I did some good work throughout all of it..I think, and I hope, for those I work for. Blessed are the people who come to me for God has kept them in this world. I am grateful for them, each of them. It's been a tough week. Lots of young heroin addicts, commitments, long away from their families and loved one's, and many struggles, a broken window, hands, blood, and fear. The pic above depicts what I love...Home, Life, Work. Merci for the gifts you give to me~
Off to work tomorrow and then a day of rest. Nice quiet evening at home with my sweets~

The Disney Quiz

Well~ I took the Disney "Which Princess are You?" and guess what! I am Pocahontas~Really? I was really hoping I would be a real princess.

The results~ You are Pocahontas! You are an optimistic free spirit who has a knack for adventure. You also have a strong love for nature and you strive for peace among all people. Your tendency to accept other people, even if they're different from you, is quite admirable! Just make sure to watch your back; people who don't approve of your behavior may try to bring you down.

I didn't know she was a princess..but it sure fits me ♥

Thursday, October 27, 2011

God who knows what I need~

My sweetie has been sending me sweet notes from Disney quotes lately and tonight I sent him one back. "The most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." –Pooh and I just love it. There is no one on the face of the earth that I love more than him. He is kind and loving, and has the deepest love for me, toward me, and I feel safe in his love~ Merci

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

God who knows what I need~

Thy Will be Done~ and it was. Thank goodness for girl talk. Jode and I shared a nice chit chat after the meeting, which I gave, and of which I learned a lot..even from myself. Merci for your wisdom, guidance, and love. Skyped with my little grand and his mommy..what joy! A nice evening at home with my sweetie. Grilled chicken, swiss, and fresh mushrooms for dinner, quite tasty! Bless you~

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Today was full! and nice in different ways. Met my "secret, pay it forward" friend at Perkins, came home and tackled the linen closet project in the dining room that I started over whemled and took that nap that day, today I mustered through much of what was in there. Less than 1/3 went back in. Hooray. I find that when I'm affected by "stuff," I need to turn it around myself. That usually means to pull inward and spend time with me. I love me~ Merci God for your many graces. You allow me many!

Biscuits and Gravy!!

It is truly amazing how I feel~ such a simple gesture and no one but me knows about it! We sat at tables close to one anther, each alone, I smiled and said hello. What a wonderful smile he had.. I imagined that his wife has died or was away.. and that he perhaps had a few struggles. We chatted as I left, and at the register, I paid my bill, along with his~ I feel like a MILLION unclaimed bucks. What a glorious thing. I wonder how he feels~

I have to admit that I had almost asked him to join me but I was afraid I might scare him or make him feel uncomfortable..this worked out well :)

Good Morning Fall!

Monday, October 24, 2011

God of my understanding~

1. Be quiet and listen
2. Be honest
3. Love those that love you
4. Give until it hurts and then stop
5. Stay close to home
6. Talk it out
7. Make changes

A sunny, warm Monday~ Merci for walking along side me God~ I really need you these days. And, I am grateful for each of them...these days. Dad helps me with that. Merci

Sunday, October 23, 2011

God who knows what I need~

Sunday~ What a mess I made today, emptied the linen closet in the dining room, a seemingly little closet but quite deceiving~the dining room became loaded, cluttered, a mess! And, I left it and took a nap. Fits well with how I am feeling these days. Turned upside down by family matters, to be more clear sibling matters. I feel hurt, left out and let down. Long ago, as a newlywed I cared for each of my siblings in different ways. Three of them spent a great deal of time with my new husband and me~ spending long hours talking about their growth and trials, at home and away. We welcomed each of them and opened our home day and night to them. The fourth we cared for at Mom & Dad's, as they needed a break and couldn't leave home without care for him. We welcomed that too. Over the years I have remained close, as family means everything to me, and over the years they have stepped further and further from me~ Wonder why, and can guess that because we are different, a very good thing, but more so because I no longer drink, I have been so clearly excluded, lied to, left out, apart. So much time has passed and so much change has taken place, I've grown strong, resilient and tolerant, but at times, it comes to the front, and hurts, it hurts me a lot. Today, I made a big mess, tossing things here and there, and walked away. I needed to float~ Tomorrow will be soon enough for work, I'll pick it up, make sense of it, and close the door. That will be soon enough~ Merci God for loving me enough to make things clear, not about others but about me, and what is good and real, and right~ for me and those I love~ Sometimes, like today, the alignment of my behaviors and feelings are so obviously clear, there is no question~ Merci

Saturday, October 22, 2011

God who knows what I need~

Sometimes life feels so heavy that I just need soothing and this does it~ A fall festival, beautiful leaves and a restful home. Pizza at Fat Lorenzo's with my sweetie~ How can we have things to work through when we've been through so much together? It can be more stressful than young love because it comes so unexpectedly~ It just is and it just does~ Merci for this day, time with my friend Karen, her husband, and two daughters, Scottie, and you~ I am blessed with so much.

Friday, October 21, 2011

God who helps me~

Some days no matter how hard I try, I just can't have what I want. So, I've just got to let you go. Imagine nothing to say after all this time~

Merci for life~

Thursday, October 20, 2011

God who knows what I need~

I had a little ceremony down by the lake after work today. I parked by our battered women's shelter, "Home Free" and walked to the lakeshore. As I did I prayed for Paul, who was found in his apartment, he had died alone of alcoholism, about one week before anyone knew. I prayed for the woman I wrote about yesterday. I prayed that both were at peace, free from the possibility of ever being hurt by anyone again~ ever, and most of all, free from their disease of alcoholism. I thanked them for who they were and for how kind they were to me, sharing their lives as they did. I tossed an angel coin into the lake for her and a "One Day at a Time" coin for him. Merci God for allowing me to meet them both, for the kindred spirit we shared~ God Bless each of you. I feel very sad and yet better for my gesture. It wasn't enough but it was~

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

God who loves me~

I am sensing an intense need for alone time~ just me, my home, and my sweetie~ No reason, just a calling that I can't ignore. I have so little "me" time. The more I get, the more I want. Merci God for letting me see so clearly, please help me take all I can.


Did I tell you that yesterday I got news from work, that a client was brutally murdered? She fought back and didn't win. She had a beautiful smile and was a tender, gentle, and very sweet soul. She fought for her sobriety too~ so did her family for her. She couldn't get over the loss of her baby girl, years ago, who could... Rest well~ no one can hurt you again.

My work is hard and can be very sad, it comes as close to real as I can imagine...tough. My work is also rewarding, and hopeful, and new lives begin. God, please keep me strong and healthy, help me to find ways to find meaning in the losses, as I do in the new lives found so that I can continue to serve's what my heart needs to do~ Merci

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


A busy Tuesday as Tuesday's go..and I'm pooped. Had a couple things taken care of at the dermatologist, worked around home and then took Susie to Chanhassen~"Hairspray" for her birthday. Dinner was good and the play was great. We had such a nice time! Merci God for today~

Monday, October 17, 2011


It's high time that I tackle my clutter. I have to much of everything I love and know that I need to go through it all..and separate and divide. I know what I like and there is one problem I find in thinning things out~ I tend to buy the same things over again. So should I toss? I'll start to thin, clean, and organize what I have and probably to it again and again. It was fun to get started today~ I didn't have the umph that I would have liked but a dent has been made~ Yea. Merci God for big jobs and my very small start~

Sunday, October 16, 2011

God who knows me~

Such a pretty fall day. Crisp air, bright blue skies, and home~ did some wandering... home and us~ Many merci's~and gratitude as always for my life.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

God who knows what I need~

What a wonderful fall day spent with 2 women I mentor at an all day retreat just for us~women in recovery, at New Beginnings. So many gifts, speakers, rest. It's always bittersweet being at this place, as Ry was there and so were Scottie & I, for him. As I wandered along the lakeshore, as usual, I contemplate that just maybe he got a little bit of something that will bring him back to us one day. So many thoughts turn to Ry, to family, to others...I learned something today~to care for myself heal me~ Merci God for the gifts you so freely give to me~

Friday, October 14, 2011

God who carries me~

I am exhausted. Off to work early this am, and must work late. Scott with Scottie and heading to home today~ I look forward to a quiet evening before the "Women's Retreat" tomorrow. I am looking so forward to that! It looks like Gertie has FLOWN SOUTH~she will now be safe and warm... Rest, unwind, sleep~ Merci!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

God of my understanding~

Merci for letting us open our home to our friend Scott at the time of his Dad's death~for allowing me to be with him at the service, and Scottie to be with him the following day before Scott flew home to Colorado. It is always good to have support from friends~ Merci God~

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


Merci God for giving me the grace to keep most thoughts to myself so as not to hurt anyone. Took Dad to see a new doctor today because of his "anxiety". My feelings were hurt by things he thought~ that the doctor and I were whispering, getting it wrong, ... I know that he is afraid, what he hasn't learned is that I love him and was there for him! Busy day..quiet night with my sweetie~ Gertie, our hummer is still here..I don't think she's leaving and that concerns me. Merci for your grace~ truly.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

God who makes special days~

Happy 83rd Birthday Daddy~ A nice trip to the apple orchard with your daughter's, and on to lunch at McGarry's Irish Pub. A few new duds for fall~ you will look so nice. All in all a fun time and beautiful weather just for you! And you still have a dinner tonight with your friends. You spoke of Mom and Boo~ and you do that a lot lately..there is no doubt that they would have loved to share our big booth with you said they were right there with us. I know you are right. You said something ponderable~ when Marc told you your haircut looked nice, you said thanks, it's my last one~ I hope not, but maybe you feel something, maybe not~ I love you Dad and here's to a very happy year to you~ Merci God for a beautiful day~

Monday, October 10, 2011

God who carries me~

Another Monday~Columbus Day~2011-Memories of the past, Torgie & I, "Come Saturday Morning". I miss her~ Work was heavy, challenging for me and them. A child lost to a mom who was driving, began drinking, had an accident and the baby was gone, so was mom, 5 years in prison. A young man 5-!/2 months of hard work, gone, by way of a choice, it can be a bleep~ Pray that that is how it goes~ Gertie is still can it be..I think she forgot to fly away~ Fly Gertie, fly away home. Nice meeting tonight, took Onie home and that was sweet~ Merci for holding me up, I'm weary~ Merci

Sunday, October 9, 2011

God who makes special days~

A nice little surprise party for Dad today for his 83rd year~ Scottie, Peter & Mary, Bill, and myself. Perfect little celebration before the big day on the 11th. Our beautiful weather continues~ and Gertie, our petite little hummer is still with us~ It's not been this warm an October since 1953! It's quite amazing although very dry, which of course brings beatutiful colors to the tree'a and the sky~ What a blessing. Merci for this day~

Saturday, October 8, 2011

God who knows what I need~

It's funny how often I find myself surprised and delighted by simple pleasures. WHat started out as a drive into the country to attend "Hogshed" quarterly sale turned into a delightful visit with Judy at her farm when I stopped to say a quick hello~ She introduced me to her horses, I walked up to them and gave 2 of them a nice little rub. No rapid heartbeat..nothing..just comfort. Yea! We hopped into the golf cart and head out to the pasture to see the cows..a special kind, long hair, friendly, and love to be petted. They are all female and have long horns. Sweet and funny looking, I must find out the breed. Back we went, shared a cup of coffee, chatted, and I headed home. Oh, and Hogshed, it was fun! Our hummer, "Gertrude" back, guess she loves out unseasonably warm weather as much as we do~ Merci God for knowing what makes me happy~ This day followed by a peaceful evening at home with my sweetie!

Friday, October 7, 2011

In the quiet of the night I am reminded of grace~ to continue on, to believe in things I can see, and things I cannot see, in life and love, and dreams, hope for tomorrow, for myself and for those I love~ In the quiet of the night I am humbled to be a small part of the whole~of which I am fully aware, the whole~ me, you, every single soul~  

God who knows what I need~

A really busy day at work~did a few good things, I hope. I can work hard, put things in place, set them free, and pray the outcome is of their choosing~ Dinner and lots of chat with my sweetie~a perfect end to a very busy week and a very busy weekend ahead. Being with the love of my life is more than I can ask for. God, how did you know? did I know, how did we know? Merci~ I am the luckiest girl in the world. I've always known it and feel it so strongly..even on a not so good day. Merci~ So much talk of Dad..not sure why, well, I do know, we will be lost without least for a while~sending him to mom should be easy but letting go will be so difficult for me~ Merci for the strength I will need~ please...

Thursday, October 6, 2011

God of my understanding~

Merci God for today, warm, sunny, and our little hummer is still here. I pray that my work was enough to change a life or two today~ Merci from the bottom of my heart~

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

God who knows me~

Another beautiful warm, sunny day. Our hummer, Gertrude, as Scottie has named her~ is still with us. She was enjoyed and entertaining to the girls that were over for afternoon tea. What a treat. Scottie and I went for our very last DQ~French Silk Pie..for both of us~ Merci God for such a wonderful, special day~ and a late visit from Laura. More on that... Merci in enormous ways God~ me

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Our little gal is STILL here..not feeding heavily, and I'm concerned for her. Fly away little one, fly away to your winter home. High temp today was 85, very warm for this time of year~ Sat outside with Dad for a long time, chatting..I think we both treasure our moments together. Tears come easily when I think of him and our time together, especially kissing good-bye. Dad has been so brave~ Physically I don't feel well..4 months or more~ hmm. Merci God for your clear presence in my life and the lives of all those I adore~

Monday, October 3, 2011

God as I understand him~

What a miracle today was~enjoying the calm of my home, puttering around doing all those things that have been left undone, catching up. Even sat in the grass and read, soaking in as much sunshine as I can. Our hummer is still here and I told her to take one last drink and fly away to her winter home~ I'll let you know tomorrow if she listened to me :) Nice dinner with my sweetie, still recovering from his "trauma". I'm so grateful I was home when he needed help~ phew! And to top of my day..I was at my meeting and in walked one of my dearest friends..a woman who took me to my very first AA meeting..and yet, she didn't attend AA, until now~ Life changes and we change with it. I loved seeing her and told her how I've missed her, and she said the same. It hardly seemed like a day had passed between us~ Friends are good that way. Merci God for all my blessings~

Sunday, October 2, 2011

God who cares for those I love~

A beautiful fall day, the leaves are changing before my eyes. A few estate sales for me and Scottie went biking~ then boom~ Scottie is rolling around on the floor, dehydrated, having cramps, can't stand, despite my attempts to get on top of it. He asked to go to the hospital...he army crawled to the back door..and off we went. Three hours later, all is well~2 bags of fluid. Scottie he recuperating..recovering~ Merci God for your blessings and care today~

Saturday, October 1, 2011

God who makes special days~

Oh my's a boy! As Great Papa, Scottie, and I watched Katie's "LIVE" Sonostream from Denver, we found out that the Duncan's, Katie, Ryan, and baby Hayden will be having a son and a little brother!! What a joy to hear them exclaim when they were given the news. What a wonderful "family bonding" time for us all~ One female hummer remains~~Papa, Scottie, I, watched her feed as we enjoyed lunch in our beautiful sunny porch~ Merci fill me up when I least expect it. And so it goes, Merci~