Wednesday, August 31, 2011

God who knows me~

The heavens poured down on me today while I was out "walking it off" so to speak~ The universe is sending strong messages amidst the quiet..please help me hear what it is saying~ I am afraid..I may not be open. Merci God for this day and my endless blessings~

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


A mixed up crazy kind of very different day~ The universe is speaking loudly to me and I can't hear what it's trying to say. Please help me let it in amidst the silence of the day and evening. Merci

Monday, August 29, 2011

God as I understand him~

Another shorter Monday, sort of. I awoke at 4am and was sleepless thus headed off to work at 7am and headed home at 3~ short little nap on the porch, beautiful sunshiny day, a hint of crispness, and perfect for refreshment~ off to give a 10 year medallion and back to my favorite place, home~ I have a real sense of sadness, loss, loneliness, and mix-uped kind of thinking. Wonder where it's beginning and when it will end. Even a sense of boredom and wanderlust..not filled up, not sustained, lacking joy, momentum~ To sit with it, is what I will do. Thanking you for letting me be~ me

Sunday, August 28, 2011

God who knows what I need~

Dad for brunch with Wood & I, but another down and quiet day for this girl. I hope it's the prednisone that is kicking this up~

Saturday, August 27, 2011


some days a soul just needs to rest and this one did just that today~

Friday, August 26, 2011

God who knows what I need~

Ahhh, Friday~ Thank you for carrying me through a rather long, slow, unmotivated day~I am grateful for Scottie, Katie & Ryan, and little Hayden. I am grateful knowing that you have good things coming my way~

Sometimes things just speak for themselves~

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Merci God ~

Thirty-seven years ago today I married the man of my dreams~there is nothing more that I could ask for~ Thank you God for walking with us, beside us, and inside us~

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

God as I understand him~

Merci for this day. I have so many thoughtfully, thoughtful thoughts running through my head these days. When it comes to putting them down on paper however, the spirit leaves me, just up and goes. It feels more about not wanting to really see what I'm thinking about. It's okay I can handle putting it off until the words just come. Again today, I just was just all ready for my 3rd Tuesday of the month meeting and went downtown, only to discover this is the 4th Tuesday of the month. Funny as it sounds I just drove on home, thinking how one of my very thoughtful thoughts was to check the calendar this morning and again as I was headed out the door, then to ask when I stopped at the drugstore, just to check myself, huh, funny isn't it! My own self knew all along..and I ignored me! Funnier yet, I asked my sweetie last night if "tomorrow was the 3rd Tuesday of the month?" He said "yup!" I shared this with my wee one and told her "not to tell Daddy". I had even forgotten that he and I talked about it. A God day all in all :)

Monday, August 22, 2011

God who knows me~

What a crummy day~ I guess I should just be thankful that I am alive, and so are many people that I love. I got stuck in a muck of things I can't control, missing Ry, Mom, my sister Cat (she left me when Mom did and I blogged about it long ago.) the family that my Mom held together, I hurt today, both emotionally and physically, guess that is just how I feel. Spoke to my sweetie and "went to "Monday night" and feel like a new girl~ Merci know exactly what I need. A day of gloom only makes every other day more enjoyable for me~

Sunday, August 21, 2011

God who knows what I need~

A perfect weekend in southern Minnesota with Susie. Bright blue skies, clean fresh air, and LOTS of beautiful things to look at in the towns of Oronoco and Rochester. Eight hours on our feet Saturday and again on Sunday. A few treasures and many left behind. Relaxing, talkative, and restful. A very nice time~ Home Sweet Home. Merci God for safe travels, one very good friend, and time~

Saturday, August 20, 2011

God who knows what I need~

Merci for blue skies and sunshine.

Friday, August 19, 2011

God who knows me~

Merci God for today~ I am way to tired to post a picture tonight, and I'm working on letting go of perfection :) so, I love you and I thank you for your many graces~ me

Thursday, August 18, 2011

God of my understanding~

Merci for a wonderfully full day. Grateful to be alive to experience it all. MRI's at 7:00am, slipped in a garage sale on the way to work..and then...ahhh, a very nice day at work. Met Carolyn for dinner..thus the map. Got all caught up, and soon of to pick up my sweetie as he arrives from a week away~ Nothing special, yet everything special, just being alive! Merci

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sweetest of dreams daddy and don't shed a tear. I am more than happy to be at your side whenever you need me. Merci for your many thanks~ life is "an ongoing process". Another new doctor as was your desire. He was very nice. Know that I know it won't be forever, nor will I. Much to hard to think about this late in the evening~ I love you as I always have. The ebb and flow gather and roar sometimes and can get in the way, but the knowing how much we love one another remains constant~ Sweet dreams Dad, I love you so much. Night~Night Sleep well~

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

God who knows what I need~

I did absolutely nothing today~pretty limp after getting the news about D last night. There was a car accident and that sunk in today, Merci God for your grace. Katie & Hayden and I skyped for nearly an hour..a sunshine hour! Met the Detox "gang" for an early dinner, and D did come. She looks frail, different in a sort of similar way, and very quiet, but she was with us. It causes death and plenty of pain before that, unless one decides to change it's course. Picked up a few day brightener flowers for the fall garden..and it does need perennial color right about now~ A quiet, rainy night. All is calm and safe as far as I know. Merci for you God, Merci


Monday, August 15, 2011

God as I understand him~

A working girls life~ Monday is done, so is my evening meeting, and a call for help~ Love you D and pray God will walk with you tomorrow. My sweetie is traveling all week~ Rest well, rest well world.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Meredith Jeanne van Bergen was baptized today. Great Papa, Scottie and I were lucky enough to be with her, her mommy and daddy too. There was a special lunch..then home to the "resort" and golf.

Merci God for your many blessings and for accepting each of us~

Saturday, August 13, 2011

God who knows me~

Knowing my heart is what matters here, even though some would have me question my motive, so I check with others, not often, but when I need to know. Dad listened to me too~ Mom's SMH cross means more to me than any other thing I own except my wedding ring. Dad came to understand and I'm grateful~ I don't want to fret it out here or be unkind. There has been enough of that throughout my family to last me a lifetime. I am not perfect, I do live with the care others in mind..always. So off we go, Wood, Dad, and I to celebrate a dedication to God of Meredith Jeanne van Bergen bright and early tomorrow~ A wedding and a baptism, what a wonderful weekend! Thank you for my life~and for knowing me God as you do. Merci~ me

Friday, August 12, 2011

God who makes special days~

Merci God for my life, energy, stamina, joy! Ben & Jen's wedding tonight~he became a miracle, my hope, and her dream. My sweetie, Dad, family ~ a beautiful setting, serene, beautiful, and god given. Love to the Sacketts, all of them~ Merci~Merci

Thursday, August 11, 2011

God who carries me~

Good solid work, gratitude for my life in recovery and the gifts I know~ Sweet rest.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

God who knows me~

Merci for this day~ wednesday meeting, step 5 by me. Peace, calm, eyes wide open~ family hurt~ YOU!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Merci for quite a day~blessed, crisp all around, peace. love you God.

Monday, August 8, 2011

God who knows me~

Today was a sweet little package wrapped up just like this. Thank you isn't enough. My summer cold is hanging on a bit, but nothing could have stopped me from spending time in my garden. It's looking healthy, well watered, and I gave it a little treat today. I fear that fall may be around the corner as some things are done blooming, while the fall shows are beginning their spurt. I cleaned up the abode a bit, another sign that fall is near. Home is where I find a sense of peace like no where else. Funny thing for me is that "home" can be wherever I may land with those I love. Yup, a tidy little package. Nothing earth shattering, the economy is very concerning, dad warding off a chest problem, and a great big fruit salad with my honey pie. Merci isn't enough God~my spirit has been cleansed. xo

Sunday, August 7, 2011


There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place....HOME~ Such a restful day. I haven't left since I arrived home Friday evening from work. My cold is better. I slept in, had tea and the paper... read and watched golf. Very quiet~today. Scottie bike and stood by~ Merci

Saturday, August 6, 2011


I love the simplicity of today~ Although is is still very, very warm here and across the country, and I am struggling with a summer cold, today could not have been more restful. Tea, paper, talk, nap, dinner, and soon bed. The flowers in the garden need tending and tomorrow will find me spending time with them. Sweet thanks~

Friday, August 5, 2011

God as I understand him~

If I had a bundle of these charms I would give one to each person I worked with today. I left work unencumbered, satisfied and humbled, at peace with myself. We had no power today and that means, no light, air conditioning, phones, computers, TV, and got by on flashlights and lanterns, chatter, low voices, and laughter. There was an entirely different tone to the day. Many stories to be sure, much concern and energy spent on preparations and care; for a new life, a trip back out to the old, and things I have no control of. This I know and it most often doesn't hinder me. Merci for caring for me and letting me care for others~

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Merci God

Such a day as this~ beautiful and clear, fresh, unlike the past 2 months. I can breathe and I need to~ exhausting day at work~old faces coming and going~ tough stuff to be real. All is calm, all is well now~ safe, secure, home~ love

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

God who helps me~

Another Merci pic that is a bit unlike me and then again a lot like me and Mom, soft and the day I had. Missing Mom so much today, still pondering where she's gone, who she's with, and of course wondering if she can see me. I don't really feel her presence like I thought I would however see her in many ways throughout myself, my home, and those I love~ She is in everyone and I like that, it makes me happy and makes me miss her all the more too. Loss cannot be explained, it's deep, powerful, comes and goes, and it everlasting, on and on and on. Merci for helping me today~

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

God who carries me~

I searched for the most beautiful "Merci" pic I could find, after all, every Merci in my blog is because of Mom and everything French, and this one is elegant, not the flowers and color I wanted, but it does have a certain grace~ as she did. Mom left us 3 years ago today and I am very sad. Dad, Wood, Cat, & I spent time together in different ways. Dad, Wood & I celebrated one of Mom's favorite places by have lunch at Kincaid's. She always felt very special going there~ We did too, in her honor. There was one empty chair, but I think she filled it well. I know she liked what she heard. Dad, Cat, & I met at Lakewood and cleaned the headstones of Mom, Boo, Nano & Aunt Judy, and Jaff, placing Marcia's sunflowers, and Dad's bouquets in vases by them. The flowers made a big differences, adding beautiful color to the lush green grass. I placed another pink ribbon angel in the tree that shelters them all. I love you Mom. I miss you so much. I don't know if you are happy, I have not heard from you. I think you would be proud of us~ trying to finds lives without you, it's a struggle at times. You would be especially proud of Dad. I honestly don't know how he does it. He makes sure we are doing well, pays wonderful attention to your "Grands", you have 4 now~ Dad knows that you would love each one of them and be head over heals in love. They know about you Mom. Each will have missed knowing you, a beautiful, kind, and loving Grandmother~Mere. I love you Mom and better go..the more I write the less I know, I begin to shut down. I miss you, love you, and sometimes ask you to just come back...and please bring Boo with you~ Sleep Well Mommy~ Your Eldest Daughter, Cynthia Talbot.. Pooh

God who knows what I need~

My last post was SO big that tonight I found one that is VERY small. I am very humbled by the kind of day I had at work today. It was wonderful in most ways, always my client's and even so with me today. You know me~you keep me safe~ I trust you. Thank you for keeping me in faith of your love. Sweet dreams~ As we embark upon the death of my sweet Mom, three whole years ago tomorrow, please watch over each of us, every single one. Merci~