Friday, October 30, 2015

Letting GO~

You'll never get what you truly deserve if
you remain attached to what you're supposed
to let go of~

from a very special client~

"Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most"

"Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most"

Once I was a sentimental thing,
Threw my heart away each Spring;
Now a Spring romance hasn't got a chance
Promised my first dance to Winter;
All I've got to show's a splinter for my little fling!

Spring this year has got me feeling like a horse that never left the post;
I lie in my room staring up at the ceiling,
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!

Morning's kiss wakes TREES and flowers,
And to them I'd like to drink a toast;
I walk in the park just to kill lonely hours,
Spring Can really Hang You Up The Most.

All afternoon those birds twitter twit,
I know the tune, "This is love, this is it!"
Heard it before and I know the score,
And I've decided that Spring is a bore!

Love seemed sure around the New Year,
Now it's April, love is just a ghost;
Thank you Tom for singing this song to me, over and over, with tears in your eyes, a choke in your words, I know, remembering New York City, your life, your daughter, your ex-wife~ Now please, get well, take care of you!  

Spring arrived on time, only what became of you, dear?
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!

Spring is here, there's no mistaking
Robins building nests from coast to coast;
My heart tries to sing so they won't hear it breaking,
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!

College boys are writing sonnets,
In the "Tender passion" they're engrossed;
But I'm on the shelf with last YEAR's Easter bonnets,
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!

Love came my way, I hope it would last;
We had our day, now that's all in the past!
Spring came along a season of SUN,
Full of sweet promise but SOMETHING wrong!

Doctors once prescribed a tonic,
"Sulphur and MOLASSES" was the dose;
Didn't help a bit, my condition must be chronic,
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!

All alone, the party's over,
Old man Winter was a gracious host;
But when you keep praying for snow to hide the clover
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most!

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Present?

"Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all."
Because of his first name, readers often believed Evelyn Waugh (born October 28, 1903) was a woman. The confusion only increased when the English novelist married another Evelyn—leading friends to helpfully dub them "He-Evelyn" and "She-Evelyn."

I must admit that this is often true for me~ most likely when I'm alone with seldom found time to just be~  My mind wanders backwards and forward, thinking on those things that did and will fill me up or empty me out.  I so enjoy reflecting but I've learned there is no better place than right now sometimes~ I will try to think on these other places when I decide it's a good time, not when I should just be still~

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Self~Care and Being Strong~ Un Re Un Re

Why Self-Care Is So Important to Recovery

Yesterday I spoke to a reader who has been struggling to hang onto her sobriety. She is able to go alcohol-free for weeks at a time but then drinks for reasons she doesn’t understand. Each time it happens she can feel herself make the decision to drink again, but doesn’t know why she does it.

“I am a strong person,” she said. “I have always been strong and can handle anything. Why can’t I get this?”
Here is what I have learned about being a strong person: it’s easy to fool ourselves. We mistakenly think we are being strong when we don’t get upset, don’t let things bother us, and then press on despite discomfort. “Suck it up” we tell ourselves, and then somehow we find a way to keep going.That looks like strength on the outside, but in truth it is denial. True strength is dealing with these things, not stuffing them down and refusing to acknowledge how we really feel.
When we deny reality for the sake of appearing strong, we are destroying ourselves from within. We live with some niggling discomfort we can’t name (refusing to address the real cause), and so look for relief in some acceptable form. This is how it started for me – a glass of wine before bed worked so well at first. It relaxed me, comforted, and brought on sleep. I kicked ass in the world all day, then came home and kicked off my heels and enjoyed a lovely glass of wine – a perfectly reasonable strategy. A glass of wine a day is even said to be healthy so no need for concern.
But over the years….
One glass a night became two or three or more and the wine glasses got larger and the bottles became boxes. I couldn’t quit, or even cut back. Each morning I vowed to quit, but by mid day I’d found a reason why it was important to still drink that day: if something good happened I needed to celebrate, if something bad happened I needed comforting, and if nothing at all happened I drank out of boredom.
I felt the same bewilderment as my friend: I am so strong. Why can’t I stop drinking?
Two reasons: because the illusion of strength I’d cultivated depended on a release valve, and because the addictive nature of alcohol caused it to become the one and only release I wanted. I was caught in a vicious cycle that was camouflaged (and perpetuated) by the outward appearance of achievement and strength.
It is easy to think that life is perfect except for the black mark of the addictive element, and if we can just get rid of the wine (or drugs or roulette or shopping or Chigaco-style popcorn – whatever is being stuffed into the void) then everything will be finally, fully perfect. That’s it, that’s all.
So we quit drinking, or try to quit drinking, but then things go sideways because we no longer have any release valve – the wine goggles destroyed the ability to recognize other pleasures. “What was I thinking? Things aren’t better without alcohol! They’re WORSE! I might as well drink because this sobriety nonsense is screwing up everything.”
First, it helps to recognize that our old ways of doing things were probably not as effective as we thought, or else they wouldn’t have led us to seek ongoing relief. The idea of what strength really is must be revisited and revised. Strength is grounded in honesty, in saying “no” to the things that aren’t serving us well and dealing with painful issues instead of sweeping them under a rug. This is the work of recovery (changing for the better), which takes us past mere sobriety (abstinence from the addictive substance or behaviour). It is possible to get through life without constant discomfort.
The crucial role of self-care then, is to not only nurture ourselves through these changes but most importantly to teach ourselves how to enjoy all of the pleasures that our addiction overshadowed. A walk in the sunshine, a massage or pedicure, a cup of coffee. It is important to plan activities or pleasant actions throughout the day and especially during the “witching hour”, so when cravings for alcohol come we can recognize them as a longing for comfort and offer an alternative. The most difficult part is that in early recovery, we don’t necessarily feel like doing much and little else is appealing. Do it anyway. Try lots of different things and little by little those discoveries will come. The herbal tea I once sneered at has become an indispensable part of my evening routine. The yoga I assumed was stupid is now my favourite way to unwind. Connecting with friends is about conversation, tears or laughter, and not just an excuse to drink. I can even sit still and do nothing, which I avoided before because that’s when all the hurts I had buried in the name of strength would surface and pester.
Be open to approaching things differently and you’ll learn to avoid unnecessary discomfort. Practice self-care and you’ll find new ways to console yourself when needed (and  to celebrate the good things, too).
Undo, redo. Unlearn, retrain. Understand, rethink.
Un Un Un. Re Re Re.

"What the future held for her she didn't know. Of two things only she was certain. There would be children-her own or other people's-and there would be books."

Alice Dalgliesh
Alice Dalgliesh (born October 7, 1893) was science fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein's editor for many of his books, but the two did not get along. She rejected his manuscript for Starship Troopers, which prompted Heinlein to officially terminate their professional relationship and find another publishing house.

This IS me.  I hoped for many!! children and was blessed with two priceless wee ones that chose me to be their momma ~ xo  And without a book at hand I grieve.  I adore books and always have one or more at the ready to absorb, learn, and reflect upon.  Books are my pleasure~ pure and simple.

However did I get to be such a lucky girl~ children and books.... pinch me!

Sunday, October 4, 2015

I am free to detach myself ~ Wayne Dyer

Live today. Remove all blame from your vocabulary. Catch yourself when you find yourself using your past history as a reason for your failure to act today, and instead say, 

"I am free now to detach myself from what used to be." - Dr Wayne Dyer

Don't we all have aches and pains from days gone by~ Tis my blessing that I don't blame to much, in fact, if I were, it would be on myself.  This reminds me that no matter, yesterday is gone, and if I dilly dally in it I am wasting this moment.  So I am no free to let you go~ because Wayne tells me it's so.  I know for sure that even though, I will continue to miss you terrible.  I can remember though when we were young and you loved me very much.  I give this up to you~

Saturday, October 3, 2015


"There is an odd synchronicity in the way parallel lives veer to touch one another, change direction, and then come close again and again until they connect and hold for whatever it was that fate intended to happen." 

October 2, 1975: On this day, American true crime author Ann Rule found out that her friend Ted Bundy had been arrested. Bundy eventually confessed to committing 30 homicides, and Rule wrote about her personal relationship with the serial killer in her book The Stranger Beside Me.

I think synchronicity is wonderful to watch, to feel, and to have~ I really don't think it's odd at all!