I feel intensely sad after getting together with family today to open cards and look at the "Guest Book" from Dad's service. I thought it would be a time of sharing and remembering. I brought family pictures for each person and those did bring some memories and laughter~ mostly comments about how he looked or she looked or.... What was missing was love, tenderness about our loss. The sadness comes I am quite sure from wanting to feel loved and warmed by the gathering. It didn't happen today, maybe it will someday maybe each of us has our own pain, and then again, maybe it just never will~ I keep wondering when things changed, how much of it comes from me, wanting to have needs met by those that cannot meet them, even in the smallest of ways. I never walk alone, I must remember this~ I should think about taking a walk, breathing deeply, remembering, and then hug myself. peace~
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