Thoughts and Whatnots on Yesterday

"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses

who are only waiting to see us act, just once with beauty and courage.

Perhaps everything that frightens us is, 

in it's deepest essense something helpless that wants our love."

~Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet

Papa Rendevouz

I feel intensely sad after getting together with family today to open cards and look at the "Guest Book" from Dad's service.  I thought it would be a time of sharing and remembering.  I brought family pictures for each person and those did bring some memories and laughter~ mostly comments about how he looked or she looked or....  What was missing was love, tenderness about our loss.  The sadness comes I am quite sure from wanting to feel loved and warmed by the gathering.  It didn't happen today, maybe it will someday maybe each of us has our own pain, and then again, maybe it just never will~  I keep wondering when things changed, how much of it comes from me, wanting to have needs met by those that cannot meet them, even in the smallest of ways.  I never walk alone, I must remember this~  I should think about taking a walk, breathing deeply, remembering, and then hug myself.  peace~

Post 4 ~ My Daddy

I often think of how excited I got when I was coming to see you~ kinda like butterflies, and I always smiled on my way.  I remember feeling that way as a young girl when we took a drive to the campground "just to see what was going on".  It was always those special few moments that I got to share alone with you.  And today... I haven't see your face for 4 weeks.  It's getting harder Dad, not easier.  I think it will take awhile to really feel the depth of my loss.  I try to remember that although you are "gone from my sight," you will never be gone from my heart.  All the memories of you, are mine.  I miss you Daddy~  It feels selfish to want you here, when you are there~  happy, joyous and free.  Yours, Pooh

Borgy's Wedding Day

a note from a friend to Borgy~ so beautiful!

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there is no more loneliness.

Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.

May your days together be good and long upon the earth.

Post 3 ~ My Daddy

You left us 3 weeks ago now and gosh~ the void. I miss your voice, hugs, and wet kisses :)) I miss everything about you Dad. I also know you are free~ and for that I am glad. How are the oysters up beyond the stars? ps The Minneapolis Star Tribune did a wonderful article about you yesterday. What a tribute to you. You are a very, very special guy :) xo

Post 2 ~ My Dad

hi daddy, i think of you all day long. i just can't help myself. i think of the last time i saw you. wearing your yellow and blue striped polo turtle neck, sitting in your wheelchair in the diningroom. i rubbed your back, touched your hand. you were so quiet, very sweet. i wish i had a sense about the quiet. i would have said more~ you were so kind and told me i looked so pretty, that you loved me. you then said it's dark and i should be on my way home. you didn't ask me to call when i got home safely like you usually did. you did say, "i love you pooh." you asked me to let you sit there and not take you back to your room. i think you liked being around others. we kissed and hugged and i told you i loved you too. i turned around just once. walking away was always so hard for me. i miss you so much dad. you loved me and i always knew it. it hurts, i ache, i don't know what to do~ thank you dad for being my dad. sweet dreams wherever you are tonight. i love you, pooh

Post 1 ~ My Dad

And tonight you left us~ Peacefully, comfortably, and without fear. So gently~ My heart is breaking apart. I will miss your physical presence, your smell, your kisses, your smiles. I love you Dad. I love you so much, Your Pooh