God who cares for me~

thank you~

God who cares for those i love

my thoughts to a friend~ your tears~ it sounds like you have become very attached to my dad. i only wish you could have really known him. he has had a more than extraordinary life and when everything lines up, dad is more than ready to join my mom and sister. i often find myself smiling as i remember things throughout my lifetime with my dad. as well, i find myself in tears wondering how i will live without him so hugely present in my life. we had a remarkable bond. it was one that needed no words and yet everything was acceptable. we shared a love of fishing, as did many of my family members, the outdoors, nature~ water, the ocean, quiet times and lots of laughter and fun. dad is a very complex man and comes with life experiences that have made him feel full and complete. he and mom adored each other. i've had some difficulties with how he treats people at times. i keep thinking that is mine to deal with even tho' i don't like it~ we are imperfect. God loves us anyway and accepts our shortcomings. don't be sad. life has a beginning and an end...this is how it is to be. i will deeply miss my dad, and i know i will struggle mightily for a time, but i cannot deny him the gift that will be his, everlasting life, and my dear Mom. be joyful. have great faith. God knows exactly what he's doing. love you, cynthia

God who cares for those I love~

Hi Dad, I am missing our nightly phone calls a lot :( For nearly 4 years we spoke before bed each night. It started as a safety checkin for you and continued. I looked forward to it each day. I hope you become stronger each day Dad~ I pray that what you want, will happen. I believe that God cares for us in ways we cannot care for ourselves, and I trust him. I know you do to. Sweet dreams Papa, sweet, sweet dreams. I love you so much. Your Pooh~ ps~ I put my garden to sleep for the winter today and couldn't help but wonder if you will see in in the spring time Dad. I am thinking perhaps not~ I have no wishes for myself, but I have one for you, and that is that you know you are so loved and at peace.

God who cares for those I love~

A very Happy 84th Birthday to you Dad~ I know you are not at home right now, and are working hard to get better. It was wonderful to share dinner with you tonight~ I love you more than words and I thank you for being my Daddy. Here's to happy and healthy year, wherever you may be~ I love you, Pooh

God who cares for those I love~

Dad, your goodnight call tonight brought more insight into beginnings and endings when you shared your thoughts about not driving anymore, asking me if I thought that was okay. I know how much thought went into that decision for you, as I know how you value your freedom, and getting out for some "fresh air", often driving around just to see what's going on. I am in awe and proud of you. What a wise man you are. And, of course you mentioned the safety of others. Always, others. And yet, I am afraid, you were so quiet. Scottie was concerned when he spoke to you too. I'm sure that is a lot to contemplate and such a big change for you too. I'm sorry Dad.. Is it time to say good~bye? You said you were okay, that you would tell me if you needed me, you promised. Sweetest of dreams Papa. I'm proud of you and I love you, Pooh

God who cares for those I love~

It was a hard Sunday at our house today for my Dad~ He was invited for lunch, came an hour late, didn't eat, kind of out of sorts, and dosed on and off sitting in the porch as we watched the Ryder Cup on this gorgeous Minnesota afternoon. Dad commented on the hummers being gone and the glorious colors of the trees outside. Foremost on his mind was ordering Cooper his 2nd birthday gift. Then asked if he could lay down and rest for a while. I tucked him in on the couch in the living room and he slept for a good hour~ We sat a bit longer and when it looked like he was ready to head home, I asked if we could drive him and he said "I think that would be a good idea." Off we went, my sweetie and Dad in one car and myself in another.  Good time for "boy talk".  I sense that my sweet Dad has slowed down and that his days are hard on him, his body is tired.  He talks of working on getting his "energy back up" and remains as ever positive and optimistic~  I know that our journey together is going to end, there will be no more days together~ and despite knowing this, as Dad would say is "the ongoing process of life" I am not ready.  But, when you are sweet Papa, I will find a way to be too, and Mom will be there waiting for you. I love you Daddy~  Pooh

God of my Understanding

April 17th when I last wrote, seems like an eternity ago~ can it be that so much time has passed so quickly? I have a new grand child, am busily back at work, seeing my "girls" each week, spending precious time with my sweetie, family and friends, cheerfully making my way in the world, most of the time. I am also working as hard as I can to find meaning in the last transition of my dad's life. Oh, how I love him, and how fondly I recall the days gone by~ I struggle mightily to make any lasting memories with him right now. He is mad, angry, mean...and I know underneath it all, he is afraid. And, so am I. I'm afraid we won't have any more of those tender moments, times to laugh, talk, and be comfortable with each other. Is this how it ends, just having to recall past moments and trying to live through the last days in one piece? I am not bearing up under the pressure of how to care for and love this man I adore, my daddy~ my prince in shining armour, my protector. I woke this morning with an insight that this may be all there is, how it may end. Myself feeling sad, and Dad acting mad, defensive, and dishonest, which is protective, but it still hurts, a lot. I give it to you~ freely handing it over..and I will do that over and over again. I pray that I can let my love shine through, no matter, let it shine~ Thank you God for the many blessing in my life~ xo